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Needs as creative, not Pre-givens that have been covered up πŸ’Ž

3things jordan myska allen personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Dec 29, 2022


I came across a cool idea that needs and wants are not pre-given like gemstones waiting to be discovered, but are rather brought into being as an act of creativity in any given moment. This challenges the view that our “authentic self” is somehow natural and then society gets in the way, implying that we need to deconstruct layers of socializing to find ourselves. In contrast this suggests that authenticity is as much a product of the society and context we’re in, as it is a product of our personal nature. The division between “personal nature” and “societal and contextual product” breaks down at this point, and one can’t help see the self as a self-and-world. This description rings true for the experience of many people practicing relatefulness. 

One benefit of this frame is that the socialization of our past (and present) is collaborative, rather than some villain, so we hop off the drama triangle even in relating with pasts we’re ready to change. Self-discovery is more of a hero's journey, a transformative process, than a polishing. Another benefit is that yearnings become “what if…”s instead of “if only…”s; we relate through a lens of potentiality, free to move towards our desires without attachment to them, or attachment to them getting met. 


With love, Jordan


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