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Conversational Presence Tool: "How About Now?" ⏱️

3things jordan myska allen micro-transformations personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Feb 17, 2022


This classic Relatefulness tool is an antidote to Completion Projects. Ask: “How about now?”.

For example: “I was so scared that you’d leave” ← How about now? That you know I’m still here?

For example: “This is a big pattern for me to look at” ← How about now? Is it showing up here?

For example: “Once I make this "How about now" attitude into a habit, then I’ll be good at relating” ← How about now? How is it to relate to yourself as not good at relating?

These questions direct us to be present with fears we’ve been avoiding—avoiding via focusing on something other than now. Fortunately the fear usually (a) unravels as we allow it to be held in our awareness, or (b) becomes useful information to listen to. Either way, we see in real-time for ourselves that putting our attention on the past or future actively hinders us from seeing that we can have what we want now instead. This is part of what makes relatefulness so powerfully transformative—we foreshorten time and rest in the pregnancy of the present.

For example: The effort to meditate keeps us from peace ← How about now? How is it to be at peace with anxiety about not being at peace?


With love, Jordan


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