Fault ≠ Capacity in Supporting Victims ⚡

3things jordan myska allen micro-transformations personal growth relatefulness stayinlove May 19, 2022

“It’s not your fault” doesn’t remove the possibility that one can do something about whatever terrible thing happened to them (or is currently happening). Equally, saying that one can do something about it doesn’t mean it was (or is) their fault.

When it comes to being hurt, people tend to blend three things that shouldn’t be blended: (1) Moral blame, (2) causality, and (3) the ability to respond. This mistake becomes a tragedy when people try to stop “victim blaming” (1 & 2) and end up also stopping the “response capacity” (3)—our ability to change circumstances, stop the hurt from happening, learn from the devastation and protect ourselves from future harm, or claim the power to choose how we make sense of it.

Whether with others or ourselves, let’s separate fault from capacity to change, and evaluate each on their own merits.


With love, Jordan


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