"Defenses do what they’re designed to defend against" 🛡 (from A Course in Miracles)

3things jordan myska allen personal growth relatefulness stayinlove Jun 09, 2022

 

The strategies we use to defend ourselves almost always create the very situations we’re seeking to avoid. Pay close attention to relational dynamics and you’ll see this all over the place. Here are some examples: Not wanting to be judged and lose connection, we withdraw and lose connection. Or sometimes we hold too tightly for fear of losing intimacy, suffocating the intimacy. We don't want to be stuck without options, so we end up stuck in a state of never deciding. We try so hard to be cool that we’re not cool. To find peace, we go to war with our ego. To be rich, we impoverish the things wealth will give us: Our bodies, time, relationships.

This implies that defenses don't really keep us safe, so we're better off surrendering. Scary! But doesn’t that mean we’ll be hurt? No—not if we can say "no" without defensiveness. Not if we can uphold a boundary with a compassionate smile. Not if our goal is penetrating into our own deeper motivations. Not if the "I" of subjective experiencing can't be threatened. If presence is who we are, what's left to defend?

 

With love, Jordan

 

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